Thursday, 19 January 2012

And this is how I feel {a birthday post}

Today I turn 28.  Happy birthday to me!

I took this picture today, walking round the docks on my new favourite route.  It made me smile to see how the sculpture had lined up with the sunlight, the clouds, the vapour trail, something I hadn't planned when hitting the button on my little fake blackberry.  And it made me laugh as I realised how well this sculpture sums up my feelings as I enter my 29th year.

I feel bold, I feel like I'm striding into something very new, something adventurous.  I feel somewhat fearful too - I will need armour, I will need help, my stance is sometimes for show - faking until I make it.  I mean, that's how it works - adventure, newness, is scary - that's why you need boldness, right?

I feel solid and secure.  I also feel fragile, laid open, vulnerable (because maybe I'm learning that I am not the source of my solidity and security?).

I feel beautiful and strong.  I also still have the voices in my head that love to tell me otherwise, voices I often believe.  But I finally feel like I'm learning a little bit of what it is to be a woman, and more than that, a daughter of the King.  My identity is slowly shifting away from outward and towards inward.

And so I laugh - here I am, a mess of metals and shapes, of odds and ends, of new parts and old parts.  I'm a tangle of solid and tough and delicate and brittle.  But boy, what a sight when the pieces, good and bad, are assembled by a sculptor with both an eye for detail and a sense of the bigger picture.


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